i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
