First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
