It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
