Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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