You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i think i just lost a toe
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
