getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
