I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize