Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
