So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
