Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
