if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
