Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
