I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
