literally had 100 drinks last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
