people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
