I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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