Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
