I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize