Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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