i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
