dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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