so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
