His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
