Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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