She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
