I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
