ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
