I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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