Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
