he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
