We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
