Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize