dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
