Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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