Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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