all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sorry about my life...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
