having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
