This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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