He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
