Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
