A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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