Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
