gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
