I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
