found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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