Got a toothbrush?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
