this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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