I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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