Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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