had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
