You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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