i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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