remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
