she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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