Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
