my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize