I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who died my cat blue again?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
