you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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