I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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