Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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