I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
