I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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