Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
