Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
