i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
