ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
