I didn't shave. On purpose
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
