It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
